Health & Mind · Web + Mobile
SameLoss: grief support matching by loss type, not a general forum
Peer matching for grief by the kind of loss, not one room for every kind.
SameLoss is grief support matching by loss type, for people who want to talk with someone whose loss resembles their own. It would put you in a small circle of peers rather than a general forum, and it is not therapy.
Waitlist Not built yet Updated 5 September 2026
What problem does SameLoss solve?
A general grief group puts every kind of loss in one room. Someone whose husband died after forty years sits next to someone whose baby died at birth, next to someone whose brother died by suicide last month. All of it is grief. Almost none of it maps onto the rest, and the practical questions do not overlap at all. So people go once and do not go back. The person who lost a sibling hears a lot about widowhood and nothing about being the child who is still alive, or about parents who cannot talk to them. The person whose parent died after a long illness wants to describe relief and does not want to explain relief to a room that has not felt it. Online the same thing happens faster: a large forum, a thread that drifts, and a reply from someone who is generous and completely off the point. Meanwhile the person you actually want is out there, and there is no ordinary way to find them.
What would SameLoss do?
SameLoss would ask three things: what the loss was, how long ago, and whether you want to talk or mostly read. Those answers would place you in a circle of a few people whose answers are close to yours, with pet loss kept as its own category rather than folded into human loss. Circles would be small and closed, with a first name or an alias and no public profile. Each week the circle would get one prompt. You can answer it, answer someone else, or leave it. There would be no feed, no follower count, and no streak. What SameLoss would not do is claim to be treatment, promise that anyone is watching every message, or tell you that talking will help. It is a way to find one person who already knows the shape of the thing.
How would it work?
- 1Describe the loss in your own words, including how long ago and how much you want to say.
- 2Get placed in a small closed circle of people whose answers are close to yours.
- 3Answer a weekly prompt, reply to one person, or read without posting at all.
- 4Leave a circle or ask for a different one at any time, without explaining why.
Who is it for?
- Adults who lost a sibling and find the groups are mostly about widowhood.
- People whose parent died after a long illness who want to talk about relief.
- Anyone whose kind of loss is rare enough that no local group covers it.
How do you find peer grief support for your kind of loss right now?
Start with the organizations that already specialise. Grief charities and bereavement services tend to be organized by loss: sibling loss, child loss, loss to suicide, loss to overdose, pregnancy and infant loss, loss of a partner. Search for the specific loss rather than the word grief, because the specific groups exist and rank badly. Hospices and hospitals often run bereavement groups that are open to people who were never their patients, and a funeral director will usually know the local ones. Look at faith organizations even if you have no faith, since many run open groups, and at national helplines, which keep lists of local meetings and can tell you which ones are running this month. Before you commit to a group, ask five things. Who is in the room, and are they there for the same kind of loss. Who runs it, and are they a volunteer, a peer, or a trained facilitator. Is it a fixed set of people over several weeks or a drop-in that changes every time. Is it a talking circle or a structured program with reading. And what happens if you say nothing at all, because a group that expects everyone to speak in turn is a different experience from one where sitting quietly is normal. Go twice before you decide. A first session tells you about that day, not about the group. If it is wrong, saying so is allowed and costs nothing. If no group for your loss exists near you, an online one run by a national organization for that specific loss is usually a better fit than a local mixed group.
What do people use today?
| Option | Good at | The gap |
|---|---|---|
| General online grief forums | Open all night, free, and busy enough that somebody answers when you post at three in the morning. | Every loss shares one space, so the replies you get are often kind and about a different situation. |
| Local in-person bereavement groups | Faces, a room, and a fixed time each week, which is what some people need most. | Whether one exists for your loss depends entirely on where you live, and a mixed group is the common case. |
| Loss-specific charities and national organizations | Organized around one kind of loss, often with trained volunteers and helplines behind them. | Access can mean a waiting list or a scheduled group, and matching you to one similar person is not what they do. |
| Therapy and counselling | A trained professional, confidentiality, and help with things peer support cannot touch. | Costs money or waiting time, and it is a different thing from sitting with someone who lost what you lost. |
| Talking to friends and family | They knew the person, they are already there, and no signing up is involved. | They are grieving too, or they are frightened of saying the wrong thing, so the conversation often stops early. |
What would it cost?
Free
$0
- Matching into one circle
- Weekly prompts and circle messages
Guided
$8/mo
- Everything in Free
- Facilitator-led circles where a facilitator is available
- Smaller circles and a second match
Prices are proposed. Founding members lock in the lowest price if we build SameLoss.
Questions people ask
What is grief support matching by loss type?
Grief support matching by loss type places you with people whose loss resembles yours: the same relationship, roughly the same circumstances, and a similar length of time since. The idea is that shared specifics make a conversation possible. It is peer support, not treatment.
Is SameLoss therapy?
No. SameLoss would be people talking to people. No clinician is involved, nothing is assessed or diagnosed, and no claim is made that it treats anything. If you want treatment, a doctor or a bereavement counsellor is the right place to start.
What happens if someone in a circle is in crisis?
SameLoss would not be a crisis service and would not pretend to watch every message. Crisis numbers would sit on every screen. If you are in danger now, contact your local emergency number or a crisis line rather than a peer.
How would matching handle a loss that is hard to categorise?
You would write it in your own words first, and the categories would follow from what people actually write. Estrangement, an ambiguous loss, a death nobody talks about: these would be their own answers, not an other box at the bottom of a list.
Is pet loss taken seriously here?
Yes, as its own match type. Pet loss is not mixed into human loss, in either direction. People grieving an animal get circles of people grieving animals, which is the same principle applied consistently.
Can I read without posting?
Yes. One of the three matching questions asks whether you want to talk or mostly read, and circles are built with that in mind. Nobody would be prompted to post, chased for a reply, or shown a record of how often they turn up.
How anonymous would it be?
A first name or an alias, no public profile, and no search by real name. Circle messages would stay inside the circle. SameLoss would carry no advertising, because a grief conversation is not an audience to sell.
When will SameLoss launch?
No launch is planned. SameLoss would only be built if enough people say they want it, and something like this should be built slowly and in small numbers. Joining the list costs nothing and asks nothing of you.
Where does this stand?
SameLoss is a proposal, not a product. This page collects demand from search and answer engines. Askwright builds it only if enough people join the waitlist and say they would pay. Read how this works.
This page is general information, not medical advice. Talk to your clinician about your own situation. If you are in crisis, contact your local emergency number or a crisis line.